Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
