Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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