Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
