I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
