Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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