It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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