TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
