Ambien. No doubt about it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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