If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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