so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
