NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
