Got a toothbrush?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
