goodnight i made you a song goodbye
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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