you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
