idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i drank out of a bidet.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
