just tell him i said nine months
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
