you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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