I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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