I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
