and you said cock pushups were impossible
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
