just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
