how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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