I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
