I think my fart just growled at me.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
nutella sex= disaster
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
