fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
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