My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
