You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize