well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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