I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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