I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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