So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
