just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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