i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
