i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
