I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
As shirtless as possible
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
