How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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