I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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