I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
