i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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