3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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