make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
