Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
