i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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