you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Randomize
