; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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