I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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