I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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