I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
