Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
