I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
