i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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