i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
