The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
