no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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