I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
