If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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