At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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