He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
