Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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