I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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