She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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