This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
