I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
