how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Floor bacon is actually really good
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
