Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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