woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
