So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
