we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just pee around me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
