I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
