When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
