in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
