He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
