I'm jealous of your bromance
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
