giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize