I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
